Kellogg’s have brought out a new cereal, they’ve stuck adverts all over buses and TV and billboards and faces of popular kids. It’s a cereal that is, I imagine, designed to be eaten for breakfast but is also sold in handy little crisp packets so the little ones can enjoy it morning, noon and while playing Call of Duty.
It is the worst kind of cereal. The sort of thing that is outrageously appealing to kids, but is also outrageously appalling for their health. The good news is I am not a child so I only have myself to blame when my teeth fall out and my arteries clog.
It’s crispy on the outside even after a good five minutes sitting in milk. The pillows are the kind of crunchy that makes your mouth bleed, similar to biting down on a fistful of kettle chips, painful but satisfying. Inside is a smooth milk chocolate blob that briefly soothes the lacerations on the roof of your mouth in preparation for the next crunch.
There has been some talk of chefs using cereal milk as an ingredient, not Krave milk I hope. Krave’s milky deposits are a real let down. The artificial yellow pillow dust floats disturbingly in the milk, the sandy texture is far from good. The only real solution is to top up the bowl with more Krave to soak up the milk.
This cereal is called Krave. It is expensive, it is addictive, and it makes you feel warm inside. They may as well have called it Krack, although crack is easier to get hold of in Croydon.
After injecting my first three boxes through my eyeballs both the Sainsbury’s and Tesco that I visited for a re-stock were sold out.